share market glossary

[Ken Gargett]

New Stock Market Terms

CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

VALUE INVESTING- The art of buying low and selling lower.

BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.

CONSOLIDATION – A process which leaves you with less today than you had yesterday.

STANDARD & POOR- Your life in a nutshell.

MARKET CORRECTION- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

REASONABLE RETURN- a gain of more than 1%.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to someone for $240 per share.

WINDOWS- What you jump out of when you're the one who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

# # # # #

some investment thoughts

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines

one year ago, you would have $49..00 today.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG

one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers

one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer

one year ago, drank all the beer,

then turned in the aluminium cans for recycling refund,

you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan

is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg.

[jquest63]

LOL!

[Chaki]

Hedge Fund: in fact it was not hedged so there is no more fund

Long-term Investment: a short-term investment that went bad

Market Strategist: someone who can say with a straight face: "The market will bounce back up then go down or it might go down then recover, but not necessarily in that order".

[thechenman]

Loved it! LOL...

[cigarros]