blondes...

[Ken Gargett]

from a mate...

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead pushes on her left shoulder and screams then she pushes on her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so, "the doctor says "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he is astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel is knitting!

Realizing that she is oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranks down his window, turns on his bullhorn and yells, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yells back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought about it for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

DOGS

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO.....," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[shrink]

I believe all of those stories are true.

Except for the one about the blonde pushing her BMW.

[El Presidente]

Lisa is blonde so officially.......... I believe none of them

[Warren]

Lisa is blonde so officially.......... I believe none of them

Yes but is Lisa officially blond.

[jdizzle113]

from a mate...

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead pushes on her left shoulder and screams then she pushes on her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so, "the doctor says "Your finger is broken."

They did this one on a recent episode of House. Damn funny.