Bovine Economies

[northo]

Economic models...

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk

away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity

swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,

with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells

the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one

more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you

with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want

three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it

worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk

themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your

country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

[JMH]

I think you got aus & nz mixed up there mate ;-)

[mkz]

Funny sh*t!!!

[Guest Warren]

I just read all that and now I'm late for work and having a cow Man.

[yossie]

» A JAPANESE CORPORATION

»

» You have two cows.

»

» You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

»

» produce twenty times the milk.

»

» You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market

» it

»

» worldwide.

Did you know that Japanese cows drink beer to soften their meat?

It's not a kidding.

There were mad cows here too. They had to be to drink too much:-P

[El Presidente]

Should be an economics exam question

[smokum]

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

After the remaining cow has produced the milk of 4 cows you outsource his position to a cow in a 3rd world country who only eats twice a week but you can now save enough to buy 20 cows producing the same as 4 cows.