crossbow Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 From my brother... Why Jesus was an Aussie Proof that Jesus was Australian: * He wore thongs. * He was a chippy, who like all good union members didn't work on Sundays. * His favourite past times were fishing, camping, going 4-wheel donkeying, and most of his mates were fishermen. * He seemed to know a lot of prostitutes. * His mates all had nicknames: The Rock, The Doubter, Simon Peter, The Baptist, so on and so forth. * The only time he went to church as a young bloke he got into a fight. * He was a champion surfer, it was like he could walk on water. * He did a mean barbeque, 5000 people rock up, no wuckers throw a few fresh caught fish on the barbie, some buns and a bit of mum's potato salad (it's in the Gospel of Thomas, trust me) and bob's your uncle. * No one is exactly sure where he was earning his quid from but he had a mate in the tax office so it was all sweet. * And to top it all off, he turned water into alcohol and if that isn't an Australian miracle I don't know what is! Another one Cold is Relative * 10 degC - Melbournians turn on the heat. People in Canberra plant gardens. * 4 degC - Sydney residents shiver uncontrollably. People in Canberra sunbathe. * 2 degC - Italian cars won't start. People in Canberra drive with the windows down. * 0 degC - Distilled water freezes. Canberra water gets thicker. * -7 degC - Sydney people wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Canberra throw on a T-shirt. * -9 degC - Queenslanders begin to evacuate the state. People in Canberra go swimming. * -18 degC - Melbourne landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canberra have a last bbq before it gets cold. * -23 degC - People in Perth cease to exist. People in Canberra lick flagpoles. * -29 degC - Sydney people fly away to South Pacific islands. People in Canberra throw on a light jacket. * -40 degC - Darwin disintegrates. People in Canberra rent videos. * -51 degC - Mt. Hotham freezes. Canberra Girl Guides begin selling Guide biscuits door to door. * -62 degC - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave Antarctica. Canberra Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough. * -73 degC - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canberra put on a coat. * -114 degC - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canberra get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs. * -183 degC - Microbial life start to disappear. Canberra cows complain of farmers with cold hands. * -273 degC - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canberra start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?" * -296 degC - Hell freezes over. Canberra wins the soccer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogus Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuzz Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Talk about reviving a dead thread! 6 years and 4 months has got to be a record. The OP hasn't even been seen since before the forum began!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogus Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I was going to post the joke so blame me either way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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