Pro TIp of the Week: Tazers

[Fosgate]

Story Time with uncle Fozzy. Gather round everyone. 

So about a month ago a coworker of my wife got mugged in the parking lot just minutes behind my wife. They caught them and turned out to be a pair of 17yr old hooligans. She mentioned I should buy her a tazer. Not a horrible idea I thought as I ordered one on Amazon that evening without telling here. Now, keep in mind, my wife grew up in the countryside of the Philippines. Sometimes when she discovers or experiences new things it is envigorating watching her as I recall a similar experience in my youth as I take them for granted in my age as it seems common. Sometimes she is like being married to a 3rd grader. That is, I have to keep a close eye on her as she runs wild in that new experience. This is one of those times. 

A few weeks go by and it finally shows up. A pretty pink little tazer no bigger than a deck of cards. Now me not realizing when she meant tazer she was thinking a tazer from the 1980's large enough to stuff a car battery in it. Not this dainty little piece of high-tech gadgetry. I took it out of the packaging and set it over on her side of the bed and plugged it into the charger near where she sets her phone at night. 

Now this was a Saturday night. My cousin was in town and we had a few beers. I told my wife to take a Lyft home from work rather than me drive over there at 10pm (22:00 hrs) half inebriated. I decided to watch TV in bed until she came up but wound up falling asleep. I heard her come into the bedroom and went through her routine for bed. I drifted back off to sleep as I felt he rest her leg on me. 

KAPOW! BANG!. I felt like I just got punched in the back by a Buick and the face by a Chevrolet! I popped up off the ground like a ground-hog going on full alert as my heart started racing and I thought to myself. "This is it, I'm going to die." Apparently in my unsupervisorly state, my wife was playing with the tazer not realizing what it was when she acicdenty lit herself up and being in direct contact with me...well you know. I got hammered and shot straight out of bed into the wall about 5 ft away from the edge of my bed. To the best of my knowledge I did not loose consciousness as I felt both the electric shock and my face impact the wall. 

The event got me pumped enough that I could not go back to sleep until after 1am and I had to go to work both tired and sore the next morning. So in hindsight fellas. If you buy your woman a tazer, show it to her and explain how to use it first. That is unless your trying to stay awake. 

Follow me for more entertainment at my own expense. 

 

[RDB]

You’re lucky she didn’t mistake it for a vibrator.

[Li Bai]

On 5/21/2024 at 7:55 AM, RDB said:

You’re lucky she didn’t mistake it for a vibrator.

Well SHE is lucky 🤣😂