Ken Gargett Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 approp of nothing, i just received this so thought i would share. any thoughts on other bovines? we'd just let 'em loose in a paddock and go and have a beer. i'd rather not say what kiwis would do. it isn't just sheep, people!! Cows DEMOCRATIC SYSTEM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, millk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around looking for them, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure o ut how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state come in and tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
CIGARHead Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 Funny ****..and very true! I'm passing this on, great read Ken.
MrQ Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 very good, I have to pass this on to some friends. thanks Ken
shrink Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 AUSTRALIAN SYSTEM OF COURTSHIP You have two cows. One suggests that you slaughter the other for a BBQ. You and the remaining cow throw a huge party. The cow robs your home while you're passed out drunk. Later, it files a suit against you for animal cruelty. FREE ENTERPRISE, CZAR CZAR STYLE You have two cows. One starts a business importing gourmet animal feeds. The other enjoys the spoils, grows fat, but soon begins to complain about the quality of the feeds. Their bickering, while at first amusing, in time becomes insufferable. You slaughter the pair, hoping to sell them to the Japanese. Both are found to be infected with Mad Cow Disease. You move to New Zealand and start a sheep ranch.
pittesq Posted January 29, 2006 Posted January 29, 2006 » » Funny ****..and very true! » I'm passing this on, great read Ken. Exactly! Loved it.
Ken Gargett Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 » » FREE ENTERPRISE, CZAR CZAR STYLE » » You have two cows. » One starts a business importing gourmet animal feeds. » The other enjoys the spoils, grows fat, but soon begins to complain about » the quality of the feeds. » Their bickering, while at first amusing, in time becomes insufferable. » You slaughter the pair, hoping to sell them to the Japanese. » Both are found to be infected with Mad Cow Disease. » You move to New Zealand and start a sheep ranch.[/b] love this but i think it more likely that one is found to be selling spam and the other is completely in the dark. it has just occurred to me that there may be a misconception circulating the forum - the buisiness is all rob's. i am just a member of the forum and my only financial 'interest' is in keeping rob's kids in private schools by buying whatever he kindly allows.
skid11 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Very Good Ken Very Good ............... You've excelled yourself mate, passed this little gem on with a chuckle and a smile:-D Two Australian Bulls Two Australian Bulls ( One old and Wise "Ken" and the other young and playful "Rob") are standing on top of a hill over looking a herd of cows. The young bull says lets run down and root a few cows.......... The old wise Bull thinks for a while and says..... No, we'll walk down and root em' all.
Ken Gargett Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 » Very Good Ken Very Good ............... You've excelled yourself » mate, passed this little gem on with a chuckle and a smile:-D » » Two Australian Bulls » Two Australian Bulls ( One old and Wise "Ken" and the other young and » playful "Rob") are standing on top of a hill over looking a herd of cows. not so sure about this old bit but i like the rest.
El Presidente Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 » Very Good Ken Very Good ............... You've excelled yourself » mate, passed this little gem on with a chuckle and a smile:-D » » Two Australian Bulls » Two Australian Bulls ( One old and Wise "Ken" and the other young and » playful "Rob") are standing on top of a hill over looking a herd of cows. » The young bull says lets run down and root a few cows.......... The old » wise Bull thinks for a while and says..... No, we'll walk down and root » em' all. » If experience is any indicator "Wise Ken" will aim for the cow "lost" on the street corner and spend two weeks replicating a Johnny Carson interview while the confused "street cow" looks to "young Rob" to interpret.
skid11 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Ken, Rob said you'd be interested in this one..........................
Fatshotbud Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 » Ken, » » Rob said you'd be interested in this one.......................... » »
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