help from the wife...

[Ken Gargett]

A policeman pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says " I clocked you doing 120 kph "
The driver says " Christ officer, I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says " Now don’t be silly dear, you know your car doesn’t have cruise control."
As the officer writes out a ticket, the man looks over at his wife and growls," Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be grateful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the a second ticket for having an illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, " Bloody Hell woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says," I notice your not wearing your seat belt sir, that’s an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, “Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, " Now there dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on, You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving…!"
As the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, " Why don’t you shut the ***** up?"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, " Does your husband always talk to this way, Ma’am?"

His wife says," Only when he’s pissed."

[nKostyan]

A slightly different end should be: His wife says, " Only when he's drunk."

[Ken Gargett]

2 minutes ago, nKostyan said:

A slightly different end should be: His wife says, " Only when he's drunk."

might be a language thing, unless i am missing something, but in aussie and a number of other english language countries, 'pissed' means 'drunk'. 

[nKostyan]

might be a language thing, unless i am missing something, but in aussie and a number of other english language countries, 'pissed' means 'drunk'. 

Thanks, I didn't know that.

[Ken Gargett]

6 minutes ago, nKostyan said:

Thanks, I didn't know that.

it is a strange language

[stogieluver]

“Pissed” here means really mad. I didn’t get it at first. 

[nKostyan]

A police officer stops the car, which goes, husband, wife, and wife's mother. The policeman tells the driver (male): congratulations, You are the first who passed at this crossroads without violations, you get a gift from the police. Man: - Great, can you give me a driving license?! Policeman-you drive a car without a license? Wife: - don't listen to him, He talks too much when drunk! Policeman: so you're drunk? Wife's mother: - I am told that a stolen car can't go! From a Luggage carrier the father of the wife with AK-47 gets out and asks: Well, customs already moved?