Weekend Humor

[Spanishcedar]

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. And something to think about when you're dining out!


Last week, we  took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a  little strange.   When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.   Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had  spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I  inquired, 'Why the spoon?'   'Well,' he  explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes.  After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped  utensil.   It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.   If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'   
 
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.   I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.   Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had  the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter,  'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'   "Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.  'Not everyone is so observant.   That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.  By tying this string to the tip of our  you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate  the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
 
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'   'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others,  but I use the spoon.'

[cigcars]

       ...Makes me think about the elderly lady who liked sharing peanuts with a local security officer who would run into her on his rounds. She continually brought him handfuls of peanuts,  joyfully giving them to him to snack on.  He finally said to her, "I appreciate it very much. Do you not eat any of these at all for yourself?" She said, "Oh no!  I just like the chocolate covering them!"

[Drguano]

A man had been working in London restaurants for years when he finally landed position at Claridges.

 

One night, he was waiting on a table with a wealthy patron and his well endowed date, and, just as he was about to serve the soup, the young lady leaned forward and one of her breasts spilled out of her low cut dress. Without a pause, the waiter used the soup spoon to gently ladle the wayward bosom back into its proper location.

He then went back to the kitchen to procure a fresh utensil. The Maitre d'hotel who had witnessed the even, took him aside and said they would have to let him go. 

"But why," asked the waiter, "i thought I handled the situation delicately and with great discretion!"

"That you did," came the reply, "but you see, at Claridges, we always warm the ladle!"