Aporkalypse Now - Warning if you are in the Fat Bastard Competition - Don't Read!

[brazoseagle]

So my intent tonight was not to change the World........but alas, I did! What I am about to share with you was not pre-meditated and is not medically recommended or scientifically sound. In marketing terms: 0 out of 10 Doctors recommend this.

After what I experienced tonight, the past has been erased, at the present I stand on making an impact on how we see the world and society and the future has yet to be written.

One day the scholars will regale our names in the realms of greatness and nobility. I am a mere mortal, but after tonight with the help from some genius porknology, I the immortal proclaim: " For those who are about to dine, I salute you."

I give you "Aporkalypse Now"

(Warning for what you are about to hear is for adults only, I tried to capture this on film, but the Awesomeness broke the camera, sometimes things can be too awesome.)

I was at home, figuring out what to cook for dinner. I had homegrown premium freshly butchered porkchops from one of my grandpa's pigs, I had homemade pork cracklins (pork grinds) that we made in an 80 year old cast iron huge boiling kettle pot, I had some freshly rendered pork fat, and I had a food processor.

I started brainstorming, I had a pork overload and passed out, and when I came to, I had an moment of pure genius.

1) I put my grandmothers cast iron skillet on the fire and brought some lard up to 350F.

2) I brined some homegrown freshly butchered porkchops in beer.

3) After the brine, I dried off, and seasoned with kosher salt, white pepper, onion powder and a little cayenne.

4) I tossed a handful of the fresh homemade pork craklins in the food processor.......wait for it.........wait for it........to make a pork cracklin "flour" to bread the pork chops in!!!!!

5) I breaded the porkchops in the pork cracklin dust

6) I fried them in the lard in a 73 year old cast iron skillet, to a super cripsy golden brown.

When I awoke from my meat seizure:

Well, I don't know what else to tell you, I feel like I have just seen the world for the first time today. I took the first bite, with de-fibulator on standby. I heard an angel singing from on high, and it started to rain.

I like to think it was God crying because he was so proud of me. Then the ghosts of my grandfather, Johnny Cash, Stonewall Jackson and Mickey Mantle showed up and in unison proclaimed "Well done........you have figured IT out." I said " What is IT?" They slowly disappeared giving me the dramtic, slowly increasing movie clap, and what was left in their place stood a golden sword , with an inscription on the blade that read: " In Suilla Est Perfecta"

You can't make this stuff up.....why would you!

[mazolaman]

The only addition I would make would be some chips (French fries) fried in the pork fat....hmmmmm

Giving away my Northern Englishness...

[brazoseagle]

The only addition I would make would be some chips (French fries) fried in the pork fat....hmmmmm

Giving away my Northern Englishness...

I respect your opinion, however there are no sides or accompaniments worthy of such a dish!

[khomeinist]

Heh. Great post. Referring to another thread.... am looking at Houston and San Antonio. I want my 5000 sq foot mansion. I plan to install a statue of myself in the front lawn. I hope Texas understands....

[Munts]

Jesus! My arteries started clogging just reading that!!!!

[Rushman]

Let me get this straight. Pork chops breaded in, well more pork, fried in lard, WHICH IF I RECALL CORRECTLY IS PIG FAT.

I am speechless. I feel like by knowing you just ate that meal, all my previous over eating, poor food choices, etc sins have been forgiven.

I simultaneously weep that I couldn't enjoy it as well as rejoice in the fact that I didn't.

Carry on sir.

---

I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=20.631812,-87.070631

[winelover]

Love the post, and respect to the "flour"!

[benjaminbbush]

that might have been the one thing that could not have been made better by wrapping in bacon. And this is coming from a guy that bacon wraps doritos and grills them for appetizers!

Well done, sir. Well done, indeed.

[mbrody]

[canadianbeaver]

Sounds yummy.. and of course you had a diet Coke with that!

Well done! (or medium rare or whatever).

[gmoney]

Bravo to you Sir!

[greenpimp]

No carbs! Excellent.

[sloth]

Sounds good... not sure about all of the "de-fibulator" talk

What sounds worst: Pork breaded in pork fried in pork -or- McRib?

[bacalao]

Another thing to add to the bucket list

[ckearns]

Love the post, and respect to the "flour"!

I fully agree.

You might well be the Porkigal Son.