A Council Christmas Tale

[Ken Gargett]

Some of you may remember the joys I had dealing with the Council a few years ago, to have a couple of trees removed.

To recap, these were trees on the footpath and were trees that the Council itself identified and insisted be removed because they were in immediate danger of falling on my house (as they were 100-foot plus gums, I was rather keen to get them done, when I heard that). However, the Council was a smidge better at determining that they should go than they were at getting rid of them. A staff member from the aptly named half-wit local member promised to sort it, did nothing, then told me I should not bother them during storm season because they were terribly busy. Then it was decided that, as the tops of the trees were near power lines, the Energy people had to do the top half. The Council would remove the bottom half. But, of course, nothing happened. This went on for months with me hassling them endlessly (would you want that?).

Finally, it was all scheduled. However, I had to point out that the morons on the Council had scheduled removing the bottom half of the trees the week before the Energy people were removing the top halves. I swear that is true.

So back to scratch. Endless letters, calls etc etc. It was only when I copied my editor at the paper into the correspondence (granted she looked after food and wine but the Council didn't know that) when things happened. After months of nothing, the very next day, I had three heads of depts call to help arrange this. I even got a letter from the Lord Mayor. Granted it was nothing more than to cover his behind but … And the local idiot was outraged that I could suggest she would not have been the most helpful person on the planet. I wish the trees had fallen on her.

More recently, a water leak on the footpath. My inestimably useful plumber was straight out and had it sorted. It was the “whatever socket” on my side of the water meter so my responsibility, even though on Council land (I really hate them). A week later, leaking again. This time, traced to the actual meter, so my bloke replaces it and all is well.

Come on down, the bureaucrats!

Not acceptable. Water meters are their domain. My plumber has been instructed to remove the new meter (and of course, off goes the water again) and replace it with the dodgy, leaking one. Seriously. I swear I am not making it up. He is outside doing it right now. The Council will then come out at some stage and replace it with a new one (and off goes the water yet again) – possibly even the same new one that was put in and then removed by my plumber. And you can imagine when that will be at this time of year. So it will just leak away for who knows how long.

Seriously, these people are too dumb to work for telstra.

Happy Christmas and a bureaucratic free New Year.

Best

KBG

[TankerT]

Shame on you random citizen!

The Government is there to serve, and knows what is best for you! Stop pretending otherwise. Their efficiency knows no bounds.

By the way... next on their docket... cigars may only be sold via picture-free catalogs written in braille.

[Colt45]

you know what they say about karma.........

[headstand]

Ken, have you considered writing a sitcom based on your experiences? What with snakes, and trees, council and fools, and a character roughly done along the lines of Rob, you would have material for several seasons...

[Ken Gargett]

Ken, have you considered writing a sitcom based on your experiences? What with snakes, and trees, council and fools, and a character roughly done along the lines of Rob, you would have material for several seasons...

sadly, i suspect i would be told it is too absurd.

this was the response from a mate i told.

I am convinced there is a God of Bureaucrats (his name is Manilla - all folders are named after him) whom you pissed off in a previous life and is tormenting you for it.

[Ken Gargett]

i now have half a swimming pool flooding down the street. spoke to the council - they have outsourced to urban utilities or some other bunch of useless mental dills.

this time of year, five days but hey, who knows, they may be able to "progress" it in the queue.

at this stage, all telstra are standing and applauding in awe. qantas is just feeling humbled.

[CBL]

Ken, have you considered writing a sitcom based on your experiences? What with snakes, and trees, council and fools, and a character roughly done along the lines of Rob, you would have material for several seasons...

I've said it before! Ken needs a camera crew following his every move. A documentary about Ken would be a huge controversial ratings magnet!

[mazolaman]

i now have half a swimming pool flooding down the street. spoke to the council - they have outsourced to urban utilities or some other bunch of useless mental dills.

this time of year, five days but hey, who knows, they may be able to "progress" it in the queue.

at this stage, all telstra are standing and applauding in awe. qantas is just feeling humbled.

The same here.

This is what happens when you outsource public duties to private firms.

Nothing gets done, and when it does, it's done poorly....

[CigarmanTim]

I just wonder what a council member thinks when they see your number pop up on their caller ID... Priceless. Thanks KG for another entertaining story. Happy Holidays.

[CigarB]

Wait until the water bill shows up. You'll call to say it's due to their leak, but the billing system won't be linked to the service system so the billing area won't know the background of the fiasco. After hours of explaining they'll reduce the bill and apologize for the inconvenience....Next month the bill comes marked past due with interest and penalties Have to love the layers of government!