greatest ever pun...

[Ken Gargett]

seriously, apparently somewhere in the states has an annual pun day and they decreed that this was the greatest of all puns. any challengers?

"though he's not very humble, there's no police like Holmes"

[buster]

Two Eskimos sitting in kayak were getting chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all... you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

I sent 10 puns to a friend of mine to see if any of them would make him laugh... unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Rick

[Ken Gargett]

a few other shockers -

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat

minor.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

[Morientes50]

The marx brothers had a lot of great puns. Of course, I can't think of a single one now that i'm at my computer.

"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." is one i remember.

Some other funny saying are:

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know." -Groucho

and

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" - Groucho

and

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." -Groucho

but these aren't puns.

[Colt45]

"how would you feel about a scientific probe of Uranus?"

[Van55]

What's the difference between a bird with two wings and a bird with one wing? It's a matter of a pinion.

[Van55]

One of my favorite groaners from way back:

OLD BUTCH

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this particular morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover. To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize, but they also awarded him the Pullet Surprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

[buster]

"how would you feel about a scientific probe of Uranus?"

Reminds me of one of my favorite websites that sells "mining rights" on Uranus:

http://www.buyuranus.com/

"Grab a piece of Uranus before someone else gets a hold of it."

Rick