candidates for the aussie govt

[Ken Gargett]

given the dearth of talent in our political ranks, all sides, all levels, here are some candidates.

i do like the last one (this was sent by a mate and i think it qualifies as an oldie but a goldie) and rather hope it not an urban myth but you'd have to think...

Top 8 Morons of the year

>

> 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

> AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked

> intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.

> Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

>

> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

> Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who

> had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas

> canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the

> police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

>

> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced

> him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the

> kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

>

> 4. THE GETAWAY!

> A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money

> in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the

> store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police

> showed up and grabbed him.

>

> 5. DID I SAY THAT???

> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just

> couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in

> the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the

> man shouted

> 'That's not what I said!'

>

> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???

> A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her

> contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the

> doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'

>

> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

> In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a

> Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to

> simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

>

> 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!

> Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour

> east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.

> No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot

> boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how

> much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they

> putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell

> them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in

> perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and

> down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the

> marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on

> water, he was laughing so hard.

> NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.

> Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!