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Posted

Dietary irrefuteable truths.......

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life;

is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's

it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out

eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live

longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your

car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more

fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow

eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a

steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of

delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat

chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green

leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your

recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is

distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the

fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.

Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is

one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one

, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a

regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Pain... Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in

vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could

getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft

around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets

bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a

bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!

It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to

me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may

have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well

preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay

in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used

up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride

Guest Warren
Posted

Hey Rob , have you ever thought about starting a cult .

You could really get some followers with ideas like these.:ok:

Boogie down Bargwan.

Posted

» Dietary irrefuteable truths.......

:lol2:

People never listen to me when I tell them that I keep hearing about people getting injured while they exercise. It just isn't good for you...

Posted

» » Dietary irrefuteable truths.......

»

» :lol2:

»

» People never listen to me when I tell them that I keep hearing about

» people getting injured while they exercise. It just isn't good for you...

Or as Oscar Wilde said:

"Whenever I feel like exercise, I lay down until the feeling goes away"

Mel39

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