my fave ever email

[Ken Gargett]

digging through some stuff and found this, my fave email.

Ok, the story behind this... There's this tripped out guy who digs

things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the

Smithsonian Institute, labelling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time!

Anyway... here's a letter from the Smithsonian Institute after he sent them a Barbie doll head.

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Paleoanthropology Division

Smithsonian Institute

207 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in

the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are

typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic

centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent

with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous

man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog

has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your

request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.

We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe

Curator, Antiquities

[El Presidente]

Smithy and I are in tears :rotfl:

[Miami101]

This was great I just readed it to my wife......I have to send this to my friends at work.:-D :-D :-D :-D

[kjellfrick]

Hahaha, this was a priceless communication. Thank You!

[ThreeD]

WOW, That is funny. That person really took himself serious.

[Guest boss hogg]

I can't believe such a thread would so quickly fail to mention this jewel from a few years ago. The Carlyle Group is a very powerful venture capital firm based in Washington DC, with senior-level former govt. officials at the helm. Not the type of employer who would appreciate this sort of email.....(by the way, rumor has it someone showed up at his door at 2am to show him out of his new apartment)

======================================

From: Peter Chung

Subject: LIVING LIKE A KING

Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 20:26:21 -0400

MIME-Version: 1.0

X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2653.19)

Content-Type: text/plain

So I've been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD....

I've got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea's main river and nightline. Why do I need 3 bedrooms? Good question, the main bedroom is for my queen size bed, where CHUNG is going to **** every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go) the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you ****ers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea.

I go out to Korea's finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I'll probably go out every night on the weekdays). I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out.

I love the buyside, I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim - you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll - I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,.... live is good,...

CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul

So, all of you ****ers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I'll show you guys an unbelievable time.

My contact info is below.... Oh, by the way, someone's gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes, I

brought out about 40 but I think I'll run out of them by Saturday.....

Laters,

CHUNG

Peter Chung

The Carlyle Group

Suite 1009, CCMM Bldg.

12, Yoido-dong, Youngdeungpo-ku

Seoul 150-010, Korea

Tel: (822) 2004-8412

Fax: (822) 2004-8440

email: [email protected]

[Bunker1028]

Classic stuff Ken. That guy is hilarious!