Colt45 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
Tave1225 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 A little boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework assignment is to find out the difference between “potentially” and “realistically.” “Easy,” says his father. “First, ask Mom if she’d sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.” The boy runs off, then comes back and says, “She said yes.” “Now go ask your sister the same question,” advises the father. Again the boy runs off, and again he comes back and says, “She said yes.” “So, potentially, we’re sitting on two million dollars,” replies the father. “But, realistically, we’re living with a pair of whores."
Colt45 Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
El Presidente Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Pinocchio talks to Gepetto: - Daddy my **** is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls. - You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it. After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio: - Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls? - Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.
Colt45 Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 A man carrying a pig under his arm walks into his bedroom, where his wife is lying down. "This is the pig I have sex with when you're not around" says the man. "That's disgusting"! says the wife To which the man replies "I was talking to the pig"
dysfunctional Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Why did god put those little bumps around a woman's nipples ?? Its Braile for "suck here".....
Cohiba007 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Little Jimmy walks in on his mom in the shower. He says "mommy, what is that slit in between your legs?" His mother says, that is where an axe hit me years ago. Ouch, says little Jimmy, it hit ya right in the ****. :-P
Tave1225 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Why are old men in nursing homes given Viagra? So they don’t roll out of bed.
Tave1225 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 What do fat girls and motor scooters have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out!
Tave1225 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 What goes, “[click] Is that it? [click] Is that it? [click] Is that it?” A blind guy with a Rubik’s Cube.
CIGARHead Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****" ------------------ The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1. High fever 2. Congestion 3. Nausea 4. Fatigue 5. Aching in the joints 6. An irresistible urge to **** on someone's windshield. -------------------- One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway. He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa." She says no again, and tries to fall asleep. The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees. The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500. "Got it," she replies. He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5. Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?" The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00. Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?" She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane. ---------------------------- What did the lesbian vampire school teacher say to her lover? See you next period!
Phailure Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 » » What did the lesbian vampire school teacher say to her lover? » » » See you next period! Line---------------------------------- CigarHead
Loki Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 What's the definition of Indefinitely? When your balls smack her ass you're In Definitely.
Colt45 Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Last night I played a blank cd at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Fatshotbud Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Following sex: A prostitute says > "Was it good for you"? A mistress says > "Was it as good for you as it was for me"? A wife says > "The damn ceiling sure could use a coat of paint"!
LasciviousXXX Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 » What did the leper say to the prostitute? » » » » » » » » » » Keep the tip. BWAHAHAHAHA..... that one is great on so many different levels, and each of them are just wrong wrong wrong! LOL :-D
DocRKS Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 2 Friends meet up at a shopping mall. The first asks, "What Happened to you? How did you get that black eye?!" The 2nd replies, "A slip of the lip this morning at the breakfast table with my wife got me this shiner." "OMG - What did you say ?" asks his friend. "Well, I meant to say, 'Honey, would you please pass the sugar." says the 1st guy. "And what did you wind up saying instead to your wife?" asks his friend. "You miserable ***** - you ruin every morning of my life !".... and that's how I got this black eye.... Just a small slip of the lip......"
Loki Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 one more. What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full
Colt45 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out the front of his pants. The bartender, seeing this says: "excuse me, mr. pirate, do you know you've got a steering wheel hanging out the front of your pants"? Replys the pirate: yeah lad, it's drivin' me nuts!
El Presidente Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 » A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out the front of » his pants. » The bartender, seeing this says: "excuse me, mr. pirate, do you know » you've got a steering wheel hanging out the front of your pants"? » » » » Replys the pirate: yeah lad, it's drivin' me nuts! I know I shouldn't laugh as it only encourages you
cobra Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Why don't women wear mini-skirts in San Fransisco? You can see their testicles........
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