Hump Day Humour : "Lexophiles"

[El Presidente]

...some people have a lot of times on their hands 

 

 

Although not in the dictionary, it is reported that "Lexophile" describes a person who loves sentences such as, "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," and, "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

 An annual competition is held by the 'New York Times' to see who can create the best original lexophile.

 This year's submissions:

•  ·       I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now.
• ·       England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• ·       Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• ·       This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
• ·       I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• ·       A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• ·       When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• ·       I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
• ·       A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.
• ·       A will is a dead giveaway.
• ·       With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• ·       Police were summoned to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• ·       A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
• ·       The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
• ·       He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.
• ·       When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
• ·       Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That's the point of it.
• ·       I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
• ·       Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• ·       When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• ·       When chemists die, they barium.
• ·       I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• ·       I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can't put it down.

[SirVantes]

4 hours ago, El Presidente said:

...some people have a lot of times on their hands 

Especially people who gather herbs, they often have lots of thyme on their hands.

[Chibearsv]

15 hours ago, SirVantes said:

Especially people who gather herbs, they often have lots of thyme on their hands.

That's a sage observation.

[Drguano]

I once mixed Viagra and magnesium citrate. I didn’t know if I was coming or going.

[SirVantes]

11 hours ago, Chibearsv said:

That's a sage observation.

Thanks!  I know it's not groundbreaking, but for a midweek botanical observation, I thought "thistle do".

A friend of mine had withdrawn from the cigar community due to the prevalence of fatter cigars, but I persuaded him to ring gauge.

Another friend has decided on long-term ageing a particular brand - he's laying down a marca.

Please don't ban me, mods.