Some Aussie Humour for a Friday: Slang Dictionary required.

[CIGARHead]

wouldnt that phone gag be the best **** to pull on someone?

im still laughing rob..partly from the jokes and partly from the rum..

[smk819]

My sides hurt.

[genevapics]

» The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that

» was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."

Now that is good.

[Colt45]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

[Wiley]

The picture of the van at the end is my favorite.

[jay8354]

The first and the last are by far the best.

:-D :-D

Nothing I would want to repeat to the misses however.

[novasurf]

Liked the first.

Didn't get the second.

Heard the third before.

[skid11]

A fella hears a commotion outside his house and looks out the window. He see's two Brisbane council workers........ One was digging a hole in the footpath and the other was filling the hole up directly behind him. They moved along the footpath 20m and did the same thing again.......... One dug a hole and the other one filled it up. This went on all down one side of the street and up the other side. The fella could'nt bear it any longer so he went outside and asked what they were doing........... The one who was digging the hole stopped and said "well... normally we are a three man team but the guy who plants the trees phoned in sick this morning":-|

[JMH]

» Didn't get the second.

Bunnings is a chain of hardware stores here in oz.

[raney]

First by a landslide.

[J-ROD]

» First by a landslide.

I liked all 3...remind me never to loose my cell phone though:-D

[DocRKS]

I thought the first story was great. I shared it with my secretary and then told my wife when we met for lunch... They both said I was wrong and the story was stupid... One of these days I'm going to get one right.....;-) :-D

[Maverick]

» A fella hears a commotion outside his house and looks out the window. He

» see's two Brisbane council workers........ One was digging a hole in the

» footpath and the other was filling the hole up directly behind him. They

» moved along the footpath 20m and did the same thing again.......... One

» dug a hole and the other one filled it up. This went on all down one side

» of the street and up the other side. The fella could'nt bear it any longer

» so he went outside and asked what they were doing........... The one who

» was digging the hole stopped and said "well... normally we are a three man

» team but the guy who plants the trees phoned in sick this morning":-|

Got to love the brissy city council. That is all part of their urban renewal plan.

Could be worse could be the Gold Coast City Mafia Council, now that is a joke and a punch line all in one.

Ross...

[El Presidente]

Bruce took his missus Sheila to the Ekka in Brissie and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." Sheila playfully nudged Bruce in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." Sheila gave Bruce a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." Sheila, so excited that her elbow nearly broke Bruce's ribs, said, That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one."

Bruce looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

*****

An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.

The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves.A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, nocking

him out.

The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."

*****

A bunch of blokes are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

BLOKE: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

BLOKE: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.

It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

BLOKE: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

BLOKE: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£70,000"

BLOKE: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"

BLOKE: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

BLOKE: "Bye! I love you, too." The bloke hangs up. The other blokes in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

*****