Question - Are Wedding Fundraising Parties (Stag and Doe, Social, etc) "Tacky"?

[Loki]

When I got married my bride to be and I had a simple backyard ceremony,a best man and a maid of honor.

We rented a hall ,served good food and drinks , cigars .

Hired a popular local Blues band, who also DJ'd the party.

100 guests , I think the whole thing set us back $7K.

Our friends and family had a great time as did the both of us.

IMO scale back your wedding keep it affordable. People will be happy on your big day no matter what.

You can always renew your vows at another time and throw a bigger more elaborate party when you are in a better financial situation.

Financing a wedding on the back of other people (fund raising)is just one of the cheesiest things I ever heard.

[rfenst]

Kind of makes me feel like fingernails on a chalk-board. Cultural norms do vary widely. But, I have never even heard of something like this before. Doesn't seem like you can afford your ideal party. make a budget of what you can afford and don't exceed it. I'd either cut the size of the wedding down or reduce the cost per person. Congratulations to you and your bride!

[Ghabanos]

  On 4/5/2012 at 3:19 PM, Lotusguy said:

Echoing some of the comments above (too late, I guess) but take it from someone who did it twice: Make it a small wedding and use the money for several nice vacations. You'll barely even remember your own wedding because you'll be so busy. Even my second wife agrees and she was the one that wanted to do the big event!

100000000% agree

Women (and men) romanticise the wedding and what it should be. To some the money could be Breyer spent elsewhere.

[danistalking]

Congrats on the wedding!

The "fundraising" at the stag & doe is pretty common in my experience...I come from a Portuguese background. The ones that I've been to, the whole idea was to raise money for the bride and groom for their new life together.

Not tacky brother! Plus if they don't want to help out then they don't have to come. If they can't contribute due to personal troubles then I'm sure something can be worked out. It's family! lol.

It'll be fine! Have fun!

[JY0]

I would reduce the size and cost of your wedding to one that you can afford and pay for it myself. That said, congratulations and best wishes.

[JY0]

  On 4/8/2012 at 12:41 PM, JY0 said:

I would reduce the size and cost of your wedding to one that you can afford and pay for it yourself. That said, congratulations and best wishes.

[ChanceSchmerr]

Thanks one and all for the kind Wedding best Wishes!

A lot of great advice, I thank you for your honest and candor!

The majority of you have echoed what I think is the best advice, which is to reduce the wedding and save the money for better uses. A few of you have experience with Portugese weddings, and I'm heartened by hearing that what I'm planning and doing isn't new or different.

I (in fact, we) sorely wish I could reduce what we have planned, but to be honest, I do want the wedding to be a great party, and we have cut down as much as possible from what we had originally envisioned. It's going to cost a lot, more than I'd want to pay, but from everything I've heard, it's money that the guests (all these Portugese family members who will be attending) will largely return with gifts of money themselves. I refuse to ask anyone for gifts, but I'm told they know how much these things cost and reciprocate in kind to help the Bride and Groom not be deep in hock in starting their life together.

In the end, I think everything will work out. I've talked to a lot of my friends and shipmates that I've invited to the Wedding Stag and Doe, and to a man (or woman) they support it and plan on attending, and some actually suggested raising the cost of tickets to raise more! (Which I absolutely will not do. $40 is damn well enough). Most people I've talked to that were invited think it's a great idea, since they would likely pay far more than 40$/person on a night out at bars/clubs here in Victoria anyway (As all Canadians know - Alcohol is ridiculously expensive in Canada, and BC in particular)

Danistalking raised a great point too - if someone I've invited to the party thinks it's in bad form, then they don't have to go, and I wouldn't hold it against them if they did, how could I? I would appreciate the people that did go, and respect those that didn't, because it's a choice at the end of the day.

You've all given me a lot to think about....certainly if I was to start again, I would do some sort of destination wedding to keep the cost to a minimum. Again, I appreciate all the comments and suggestions. We definitely should have eloped!

Lastly - Squarehead, I do remember what you told me at Mambo Lounge - If this thing somehow gets out of control again, I will probably just take your advice LOL

Thanks again, one and all!

[randomhero1090]

Now, the bad taste is on me, I didn't even say congrats!

Sounds like you discussed this with a lot of the people who are invited to the Stag and Doe, and they seem cool with it. So go for it. I have NEVER heard of it until this forum.

...but 35-40k??? Holy crap!

If the point of the Stag and Doe is to help you start your new life, i'd hate to see you spend it all on the wedding.

Do what you feel is right. Good luck to you.