Top 10 questions about Fidel Castro\'s newspaper column

[Jimmy2]

Top 10 questions about Fidel Castro's newspaper column

Fidel Castro accused the U.S. government Wednesday of deceiving Americans about the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks and suggested a weapons projectile, not a plane, slammed into the Pentagon.

In one of the rambling newspaper columns he writes regularly since he became ill, the Cuban leader also claimed that "today, we know that the public was deliberately misinformed.... from "U.S. lying about 9/11 attacks, Castro writes," by Tribune correspondent Michael Martinez

I had no idea that Castro was a brother in ink, a fellow newspaper columnist. Ten questions come to mind:

1. Does he have a puppet? A fictional gardener named Eduardo, say, into whose mouth he puts snappy insights and wry asides?

2. Does he have editors who keep him from making a fool of himself in print? ("Presidente, when you refer to "an analysis of the impact of planes..." your sourcing isn't good. I think we should stay away from that unless we can nail it down."). Evidently not.

3. Does he return compulsively to certain hobbyhorse topics even though he knows his readers are rolling their eyes and saying, for example, "God help us, not another column on agricultural reform."

4. Is he able to take one of life's minor indignities or insults --- a crooked crease the dry cleaner left in the pants of his camouflage suit, say -- and spin it into a 700-word tirade on the overall decline of society?

5. Does he regularly complain to his editors that the little mug-shot photo at the top of his column doesn't do him justice?

6. When he gets a letter from a reader that begins, "I almost never read your column, but I happened to today and I found your argument completely inane...." does he throw it in the trash, craft a chilly but cordial reply ("Thanks for your feedback. Perhaps next time we will agree...") or have that reader hunted down and killed?

7. When nothing in the news moves him, does he come up with some thin excuse to write about his family? ("In the Castro household, September 14 will always be remembered as the anniversary of the day little Fidelito accidentally wore his mother's shoes to school...")

8. Does his column bear his name, or a clever title such as "Commandante's Corner" or "High Fidel-ity"?

9. When he makes a mistake, does his paper run a correction, or does the government adjust reality to compensate? ("In Tuesday's column, Fidel Castro made a reference to "the Ministry of Planning and the Economy." Henceforth, the former Ministry of the Economy and Planning will be known as the Ministry of Planning and the Economy. Those who originally gave the ministry the incorrect title will come to regret their error.")

10. Does he ever just hammer out randomly speculative thoughts, half-baked questions and observations that only he considers amusing, then submit it as a column?

[El Presidente]

Rumour is that his last three collums while being officially rejected led to a printing of fake newspapers which were duly delivered to his door and..... including his submitted articles:

"Pants on or Pants off?.....recuperating in comfort."

"Handling Telemarketers and annoying calls at home....dealing with Chavez"

"Belly button lint.....future resource... or tiny people?"