Qantas

[cigarnv]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe

sheet", ½ of which tells mechanics about problems with the

aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document

their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe

sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by the

pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by

maintenance engineers (marked with an S). By the

way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last .............

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[tacmedic]

I've seen that before, but always funny...now give that midget his hammer back:-D

[skid11]

LOL Very funny stuff.

The English comedian Jasper Carrot put out a similar type of true thing based on what people had written on car insurance claims. If anyone can source it, its good for a laugh.

[dogbreath]

Hilarious! You just can't make this stuff up! :-D

[stogies&hoagies]

Very funny stuff.

[Elric]

Classic stuff!