something truly appalling (not rob naked, tho...)

[Ken Gargett]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you

Believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a

vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the

biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume

she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my

girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at

the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I

thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to

Our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can

get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I

could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

[Coolio]

Ken do you realise what you've started here? But I guess as it's the last week of the election campaign we'll laugh at anything.

We ran into our gardener at Clayfield Markets last week, and my Mrs said to me that she'd never seen him looking so miserable. I agreed with her and said I thought he was looking for lawn.

[Ken Gargett]

that counts!

[Coolio]

that counts!

It was courtesy of an old mate of mine at work, named Horrie. A lovely bloke, one of the nicest around. And with a name like Horrie you'd expect high quality dad jokes, and he never disappoints!

[Munts]

The other day i went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," I said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

[coblos]

Jumped in a taxi today. The driver was telling me how great it is having a taxi, "I'm my own boss" he said "no one here telling me what to do." I said "Turn right here."

[First Lady]

I logged onto the forum today for this...... What has been going on while I have been away Rob you let Ken get away with this

Ken that's for not giving me any wine

[CanuckSARTech]

What Ken....no religion jokes????

You're dropping your standard.....

[Tony12]

What do you get when you send your donkey to college???A smart ass!!!

[Ken Gargett]

I logged onto the forum today for this...... What has been going on while I have been away Rob you let Ken get away with this

Ken that's for not giving me any wine

you are kidding? in other words, your sister kept the two dozen? blame your family for no wine (if she sobers up), not me.

and by the way, she is blaming you for all my missing cigars, claiming it was your lack of organisation and nothing to do with her.

[cigcars]

*Show me a husband who won't;

And I'll show you a neighbor who will

[laranced]

Question: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Fish.