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About MichaelJB

  • Birthday 01/26/1977

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    Newcastle, Australia

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  1. The Australian Male sense of humour, shines through…. The missus is not talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday. I am not sure how… I didn't even know it was her birthday! After too many beers, my mate asked if he could crash out on my sofa. I had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep. The missus said she's leaving me because I invade her privacy too often. At least that's what it says in her diary. As me and the missus headed off on a romantic holiday, we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other. She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed." So I planted a kilo of cocaine in her suitcase. Woman to husband: "Let's go out and have some fun tonight!” Husband: "Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on." My mate is thinking about asking his ex-missus to re-marry him, but he's worried she’ll think he is just after her for his money. Two guys in a health club, one is putting on a pair of women’s lace knickers. 1st guy: "Since when do you wear women's underwear?" 2nd guy: "Since the missus found ‘em in the glove box." My missus left me for another bloke. All that lies ahead now is a miserable, pointless life, with suicide seemingly the only way out. And while the poor bugger's going through all that, I'll be down at the pub with my mates every night! My missus left a note on the fridge: "It's not working. I can't take it anymore, I'm going to live with my mum." I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell is she on about?"
  2. Sign offering the towing service of a type of tugboat called the Grebe Cock used by the Liverpool Steam Towing Co in the 1930s. Couldn't help myself 😆
  3. Thought this was an interesting watch, for those that like looking at large collections:)
  4. Ah thanks no worries, I have problems sometimes understanding what people mean. Glad you liked it 👍
  5. Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal in minute detail while the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?" The man answered arrogantly, "Why would you be so interested in that topic?" The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market." "What's your name? " asked the executive. John H. Smith was the reply. The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Service Department; "Do we have a client named John H. Smith? "Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, " he is a high-net-worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account." The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting to tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could all learn something from your life's experience." At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. "We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him. Mr. Smith began his story. "I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the very up-market shoe shiner on the main corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great superior location, which I promptly did. And then, finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a prostitute in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
  6. It's getting like that here (Australia) soon - nothing like sitting out on the deck on a 45c/113f day lol. Hot enough the cigar lights itself! 🤣
  7. This was the video I was referring to, three matches by Cigar Aficionado; https://youtu.be/YOem4JswMCk But I do agree, how are you supposed to test the Cigar first. And if you do get a dud Cigar you've wasted three matches 🤣
  8. Don't get me wrong I don't tell anyone how to do anything, I was just recalling the video I watched
  9. I was watching a short video where the gentleman explained he was shown the "correct" way to light a cigar was with the cap uncut. The idea behind this was that with the cap uncut there was no airflow through the cigar and therefore no "off" flavours from matches, lighters (gas/kero), or other devices could make their way into the cigar. So, are you cap cut, or uncut?

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